I have not updated my blog in over a year. So many things have changed, and I don't really know where to begin. It was strange to read over my posts from Freshman year. Why does that seem like an eon ago? Even though I wish I could delete a few of them due to certain things, such as cheesiness, I think I should leave them. It's who I was and how I felt at a certain moment in time, and no matter how stupid it is, it was captured forever. (I want to live in this tree house)
It is almost one in the morning, and I really have nothing better to be doing except sleeping. I attempted to find the English subtitle version of Paraiso Travel on the internet but had no luck. It seems like an incredible film, with lots of sex, as is usual it seems with Hispanic films...Anyway, I have yoga in the morning, and I am looking forward to it as it is going to be outside in the amphitheater =) Hooray for warm, sunny weather!
Yoga has become really important to me, and I don't think I will be able to give it up now that I have started. The other night, Dorothy and I went to one of Phaedra's classes off campus at the Episcopal church here in Clemson. It was a Flow Yoga class, quite different than Ashtanga! We focused on our breathing and finding the "crystal light" behind the blackness of the eyelids. Apparently, this light resides in the center of the eyebrows, and when I focused enough on that one spot, I did begin to see different colors past the dark, and it helped me to relax even more. Toward the end of class, we were all in Savasana and Phaedra came around and put this amazing pain-reliever cream on our necks. It's sort of a mix between Vick's Vapor Rub and Icy Hot, but it smells like pine needles and mint and leaves your neck feeling all tingly and wonderful.
Talking about that yoga class leads me to the woman who spoke to me before the class started that night. She was friendly, and when I told her that I am a student at Clemson, she immediately went on to ask the typical questions--what is your major? what are you going to do with that? etc, etc. I said, "Well, I'm an English major", which of course led her to ask, "Oh really? How interesting! What do you plan on doing with that?" I sat there on my mat and thought, finally saying, "Oh, I don't know really. I will eventually be a writer of some sort. I will probably end up in grad school after Clemson." ... "Oh! Do you know what you will further your studies in?" Oy vey, lady! "Umm...well, Literature? Theology? Zoology?...how the hell do I know?" Of course, I left that last part out.
I can't think about things like that. My communications professor said today that "the reason you are all in college is so you can rise to the top, be the executives of the world, the leaders..." I was sitting there doodling instead of taking notes on "what a group is" and thought that isn't at all the reason I am in college. I don't want to be an executive or even a leader, necessarily. I am in college because I love learning. If I could make a job out of learning, which I probably can somehow, then I would. I want to learn languages, cultures, religions, all of the above. I definitely don't want to slap together my e-Portfolio, ship it off to some gigantic company and be overjoyed when they give me a job as a paper-pusher or coffee-fetcher where I can eventually "rise up the ranks" to be an executive in twenty years. No thanks.
....intermission....
I can't wait until it is warm enough for me to sleep outside. I'm going to buy a hammock and have outside nights. I am also a bit nostalgic for the confused bird that used to hang around the apartment door and screech at 4 in the morning. Maybe all the other birds mutinied. Poor guy.
I also can't wait to start Lolita. It makes my heart beat faster just to read the first paragraph. "Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta....She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita."
In my arms, she was always Lolita.
And with that, I say goodnight.
~Lauren
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